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29th August 2007

Hello, Denizens of Internetland!

So, most of the people who are at all likely to read this (all two of you!) have, in the past, mostly talked with me on AIM. You have probably noticed, if you are one of these people, that I am not really on lately. Basically, I am getting used to college, and so far have been having to do homework for a solid chunk of my free time, and when I am not doing homework, I feel like doing stuff that is as mindless as humanly possible (namely, watching TV). Plus TV gives me entertainment in convenient nuggets, and I don't feel bad if I have to abandon TV after half an hour. Why I would feel worse about getting on AIM, talking to someone for half an hour, and getting off than I do about not being on at all, I do not know. Anyway! I am still alive. I am taking:

"University 101" (Quotes because WHAT?)
Biology Lab

They are all pretty okay so far!


(13 babies |kick the baby!)

11th June 2007

So, wrona, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 0% unique and 9% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy video games). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.

Your overall weirdness is: 23

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 51% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

So, apparently I win the Interestingnets? MY WIT, IT IS BEYOND EVEN MY ABILITY TO COMPREHEND.

I stole this from James, although I could have stolen it from a few other people, too!
Current Mood: Dawkinslicious?

(kick the baby!)

23rd March 2007

4:12pm: Another Letter I Am Not Going To Send
This time I am skipping the middle man (gmail composer-thing) and just writing a potential idea for an e-mail here right off. This one I'd actually be a little more likely to send, as it would probably be more obvious that it is a complete joke, and not at anyone's expense, but the "wading through stuff" rule still applies, along with the new "people on the internet are very fucking crazy" rule, which means it is possible that someone could hypothetically send this as a serious letter.

This one would be to Chris Onstad if I actually sent it. So! Here we go:


Subject: I am ON to you, ONstad!!!

Mr. Chris Onstad,

Did you really think nobody would catch on? Come on. Seriously? It is not possible that a normal mortal under normal circumstances could possibly consistently produce such high quality genius. The only possible explanations are as follows:

- You are NOT HUMAN(!!!)!
Maybe you are a god sent to bring us a slice of heaven (Valhalla? Olympus?) on Earth! Or perhaps a devil sent to provide us with something so sinfully delicious that nothing else will bring us joy ever again! You also might be some kind of space alien. I do not pretend to understand the space aliens, so I will not even speculate on what your aims might be if you are one of them.

- You are doping!
It is very sad, but in recent decades, the centuries-old national sport of the internet has been positively plagued by those who are enhancing their performance through Tibetan brain-steroids. If this is the case, I am very disappointed in you, and must ask that you confess to it now! Your comic may decline in quality, but you can't do this to yourself, Chris! Think of all your little fans! Think about Philippe! If you are truly a coldhearted and callous soul, remember that this would obviously result in disbarment from the Webcomics Olympics if you are caught! They may show leniency if you confess, sir.

- You are not a single person!
Perhaps "Chris Onstad" does not exist, and is rather a secret group of the world's top writers, who brainstorm constantly to legitimately provide heaping servings of pure genius to eager readers! Is Chris Onstad the leader, a harsh overlord who forces them to slave away in his name? Perhaps it is C.H.R.I.S. O.N.S.T.A.D., an acronym made up of their initials!

I urge you to come clean now, whatever the truth may be, Onstad. The world must know. The truth will set you free(!!!)!!!



I really like the exclamation points with parentheses(!!!)! I am not sure why.
Current Mood: relaxed

(1 baby |kick the baby!)

20th March 2007

10:34am: Face Gerbils
So, who else does a lot of writing of e-mails, journal posts, and forum posts that they end up never actually sending/posting because they change their mind at the last minute? I do this a lot.

Just now I was thinking about writing an e-mail to Zach Galifianakis to see if he would actually respond. This is basically what the e-mail would have said:

Dear Mr. Galifianakis,

You are an excellent comedian, and cause me to laugh uproariously whenever I observe you performing on television. I have a question, though: how do you get that gerbil to stay so still on your face? Do you feed it sedatives, or is it specially bred to be docile? Oh damn I bet that is a beard, it is a beard isn't it? Damn. Sorry.

Anyway, do you know where I can get a face gerbil like yours? It looks very velvety and luxuriant. Thanks,



So, yeah, I didn't send it because that would be fucking weird, and I figured it might be construed as offensive, with the acting like he's got a small animal on his face part. Plus, one should pretty much always assume that just about anyone with any kind of fame who has their e-mail listed on the internet gets a freakish barrage of e-mails, anyway, and may not want an extra e-mail to wade through that does not actually have anything important in it.

I still think the idea was kind of amusing, though, so I decided to post it here.
Current Mood: okay

(1 baby |kick the baby!)

31st December 2006

1:23am: Bizarro Snail
I mentioned a picture I drew last time. I will now be posting it for you today. CURB YOUR EXCITEMENT.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Looks a bit rumply because the paper's been sitting around on random not-quite-flat surfaces in my room since I drew it. I should really probably come up with a better means of storing papers. Comment now on how much/little it sucks! Hooray!
Current Mood: content

(2 babies |kick the baby!)

11th December 2006

11:21pm: Hey, I have not updated since forever! Time for a contentless post!

my xmas stockingCollapse )

I just drew a picture of a freaking weird sea snail-thing. I might post it on here later or something for some reason.
Current Mood: artistic

(kick the baby!)

24th August 2006

7:41pm: Greetings. My new icon exudes the very essence of coolness, does it not? I mean, it is scientific fact that the Fonz was the coolest person in existence. It was proven in 1959, before the Fonz existed, because his coolness is so cool that it sent ripples back in time. The ripples made various jukeboxes spontaneously start playing music, some of which would not actually be written for a few years yet (this all started in 1948, it just took scientists 11 years to prove it, and deduce the cause.), and made a lot of girls suddenly become aroused for no apparent reason, which was often accompanied by an inexplicable snapping noise. When Henry Winkler stopped appearing on TV as the Fonz, everyone in the entire world suddenly became less cool, because they were no longer enveloped in his cool aura. They also all became more cool, relatively speaking, because the pure AWESOME that was the Fonz was no longer ruining the curve.

If you look at my icon for at least five seconds without blinking, you will become 50% cooler for the next twenty-four hours. Side effects may include intense sexual desire (regardless of your gender or orientation), humming 50s pop songs that you have never even actually heard, and spontaneously saying "Ayyy!".
Current Mood: okay

(6 babies |kick the baby!)

8th April 2006

9:46pm: A meme or whatever!
I do not update this thing much. But, hey, here's a thing of random information. None of you care! Awesome!

Go to wikipedia, and search your birthdate, without the year. Then post three births, three deaths, and three events. See what happens on your day of birth. (Because I am cooler than everyone else, I will be commenting on the events/births/deaths I select, in parentheses after listing them)

68 - Roman Emperor Nero commits suicide, imploring his secretary Epaphroditus to slit his throat to evade a Senate-imposed death by flogging.
(Nero was a douchebag, so his suicide being on my birthday is pretty awesome. I could totally count this as a death, too)
1856 - 500 Mormons leave Iowa City, Iowa and head west for Salt Lake City, Utah carrying all their possessions in two-wheeled handcarts.
(Hahahaha, nobody likes the Mormons, so they ran away to crappy Utah. Run, Mormons, run! Hahahaha...)
1986 - The Rogers Commission releases its report on the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster.
(That is my birthday exactly. Disasters are bad, but I guess figuring out what the hell happened is really kind of good. Plus I was born then, so that makes it better)

1595 - King Wladislaus IV of Poland
(I like Poland! My last name is from there. And from the first couple paragraphs of his article, the guy sounds pretty cool. Kept Poland out of a bloody war, and supported religious tolerance.)
1952 - Uzi Hitman, Israeli singer
(Never heard of the guy, but that is a pretty interesting name, huh?)
1963 - Johnny Depp, American actor
(Johnny is probably the best known guy on the list, although there's a couple other Actor-types on it. Clearly, Geminis must be predisposed to acting! /sarcasm)

62 - Claudia Octavia, wife of Nero
(Nero is on here, too, but I did him already. Note the different year, so they didn't die at the same time. Nero was a complete ass to her, and had her killed. Prick)
1870 - Charles Dickens, English author
(Mmm, books. I've never really read any of his, as far as I recall, but like a good American, I've seen movies based on them. I should read a few, though, since reading is good.)
1989 - George Wells Beadle, American geneticist, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine
(Quite a few Nobel Prize winners died on my birthday, and I chose this guy as their representative. Hooray for George!)
Current Mood: happy

(1 baby |kick the baby!)

21st February 2006

5:18am: The Tri-County Fair of Despair
Hello small woodland creatures! How are you today?

Right now, it's 5:18 am. Why am I updating at 5:19 (changed) am? Because I can.

I would like to know, no, the WORLD would like to know how many pairs of socks you probably wear in a month. I am not sure why I or the world want to know that, but apparently we do. So get on it. Submit your answers in the form of an essay which must be fift-two words or less.

Do you know what is happening with me? Probably not. Not much is happening with me. My brother got married awhile ago, but what this mostly means is that I got to eat some cake, and my brother does not live across the hall anymore. These are both good things! Oh, and I guess he has a wife or something, but who cares? None of you do, I bet!

I have been reading The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. I am on the third book right now. Me and my siblings got the first three books for Christmas from our Grandmother, but I think I am the only one reading them. We don't have the fourth book, so I'll have to get that or borrow it or something. They are pretty good, and serieses get kind of addictive after you've read one book, and moreso after two, so even if they sucked I'd probably need the next book anyway.

Have you ever built a small building? I did that recently. We have goats, in case some of you do not know this, but anyway, there was a strong wind awhile back, and their goat house/shed-thing got blown up onto the fence, so I and my Dad made them a new one. It took awhile, because my Dad was busy a lot, but we pretty much finished it two weeks ago. Now the roof just needs to be sealed, and then we'll paint it so it doesn't rust.

I think that is probably about all, because my life is a meaningless void of despair and desolace and I am going to paint my face white with black around my eyes and black lipstick now, and then I will write bad poetry.

Yay! ^_^
Current Mood: Rolling around, apparently

(2 babies |kick the baby!)

30th November 2005

11:41am: Hasidic Heart-Surgery
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

(6 babies |kick the baby!)

21st October 2005

11:55pm: He made me do it, he's such a creep!
Kyle is making me list stuff that "brings me a moment of joy".

So, in no particular order:

1. Talking to Sharon
2. Playing video games
3. Cursing creatively and/or repeatedly in quick succession
4. Listening to Music
5. Watching certain TV shows and/or internet cartoons and stuff.
6. Reading webcomics, especially wigu.
7. Random shit
8. Thinking about how awesome life will be when it decides not to suck.
9. Jew-hats
10. Books

I tag Yehoshua bin Yosef, Siddharta Guatama, Muhammad ibn Abdullah, Mahatma Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, and Confucius.

Edit: I just got the "Your password is too easy to guess" thing mentioned by my esteemed colleague Mr. chris_b_martin. This is bullshit. I challenge those who read this to try and guess my password. If you do, please post a single update stating such, and promptly forget my password.
Current Mood: relaxed

(3 babies |kick the baby!)

16th September 2005

7:57pm: NOOOOOOO
Tagged by pantsdropper
Write 20 random facts about yourself then tag the same amount of people as minutes it takes you to write the facts. If you're tagged its your turn.

1. I am being forced to do this by Cat.
2. I am listening to the wonderful album "De Stijl" by The White Stripes.
3. I think The White Stripes are awesome.
4. Sharon McConnell is, in my opinion, even awesomer.
5. I just ate some pizza a while ago. It was pepperoni and black olive. Stuffed crust, bitches!
6. Heh heh... I just said "bitches"
7. I think "donkey" is a fun word to say.
8. I like using hyphens to connect whole unrelated words to make new profanity. Like "donkey-sucking pig-licker".
9. I really like The Beatles a lot.
10. I like to curse.
11. I read like 20-something webcomics almost every day. Or I would if they all actually updated that much.
12. I have no life (see above)
13. My favorite webcomic is WIGU. To get to it you just stick ".com" after and "www." before it.
14. I was too lazy to use html just then.
15. My icon that I use is a kind of a crappy picture of me, but I'm dressed as Alexander DeLarge, so it's kind of cool anyway.
16. Lately I have found myself saying the word "sock-puppets" a lot.
17. is fucking incredible.
18. I play World of Warcraft. (see number 12)
19. Last night I came up with the idea of writing about a bunch of goofy dead celebrities not really being dead, but secretly being alive, and super villains.
20. I just wrote "20."

Start - 8:05 PM

End - 8:14 PM

That took me 9 minutes. You know what though? Screw tagging people. You go ahead and do this if you want, though.
Current Mood: I FORGET

(kick the baby!)

14th September 2005


The Ultimate Girlfriend Survey

Created by obsidian and taken 222 times on Bzoink

Basic Information�
First NameSharon
Middle NameLynn
BirthdateJanuary 23 1984
And how old would that make her?21
What�s her Zodiac sign?Aquarius, but really Capricorn
Eye ColorHazel
Hair ColorBrown
Does she wear make-up?Nah
Does she wear her hair up or down?Down, mostly
Was she born out-of-state?Out of which state? I guess it's yes either way.
If so, where?That silly Washington place, the big west-one, not the tiny east one.
How far away does she live from you now?800 miles or so
Meet and Greet�
Where did you first meet her?Terre Haute bus station/Final Realms
How did you first meet her?Uhm... See above?
How old were you when you met her?17
How old was she?19
What first attracted you to her?She amused me
Where was your first kiss?In my room
Where was your first date?Pff
Did you ask her out or was it the other way around?It was kind of a gradual evolution from friends to being a couple, so neither
How did you/she ask her/you out?See above
How long have you two been dating?Two years
Her Family�
Her mother�s name?Carol
Her father�s name?Mike
Any brothers? If so, name them.Michael
Any sisters? If so, name them.Rachel
Have you met her family?Yes
Do you like them?Sure
Do they like you?I think
Has she met your family?Yes
Do they like her?Pretty much, yeah
Does she like them?Decently
Are her parents married/divorced/dating?Divorced
Does she have a big family?Not really
What main nationality(ies) are they? (Italian, German, Spanish, etc...)Irish mostly, otherwise Euro-grab-bag
Does she have any pets?No, but she wants some
If so, what kind and name them.
Food.She likes chicken a lot
Musical Genre.Baroque
Holiday.No idea
Ice Cream.Not sure. She likes coffee, but maybe mint chocolate chip or something. Cookie dough?
Actor.Morgan Freeman
The Two Lovebirds�
Have you told her you love her?Yeah
Do you really?NO OF COURSE NOT. Yes?
Has she told you she loves you?Yes
Do you think she means it?Yes
Have you seen her cry?Yeah
Has she seen you cry?I forget
Does she make you laugh?Pretty often, yes
If so, how?Being stupid >.>
Do you dream about her?I have
Does she dream about you?Sometimes
How often do you spend time together?Physically, a couple months a year, otherwise, a few hours a day.
Do you want to spend more time with her?Yes
What does a normal day with you two consist of?Talking, playing WoW/other games. HUMPING LIKE RABID VOLES.
Does she �turn you on�?Yarh
Have you� y�know?Bathed in the blood of athousand virgins? Why yes!
If not, do you want to?
Have you ever hurt her physically?I don't think so. Maybe very mildly in an inadvertent manner.
If so, how?^
Have you ever hurt her emotionally?Probably, but not in a life-scarring kind of way.
If so, how?Arguments, etc.
Does she trust you?I think so
Do you trust her?Yeah
Have you ever cheated on her?No
Has she cheated on you?I HOPE NOT >:O
Would you ever cheat on her?No
Do you find her attractive?Didn't you already ask that? Yes
Do other men find her attractive?I'm sure at least a few probably do.
Does she think she�s attractive?Not especially
Is she in decent physical shape?Decent, yes.
Do you think she�s smart?Definitely, with the occasional lapse of ditziness
Do other people think she�s smart?Probably
What is it about her that you like best?URRR, VAGINA! I just like her, nothing stands out above anything else especially
Is she unique from other girls?Yeah
How so?Well, she's not into the majority of stereotypical girl-crap
Do other people think she�s unique?I'd assume a few do
Does she make jokes?Yes. Doesn't everybody?
What kind?It varies
Is she 'a butterfly to catch'?Uh, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
Would you get jealous if you saw another guy flirting with her?I would kick him. In the nuts ^_^
What would you do?^
What if she were flirting back?RAGE
What would you do then?I would eat small babies and bring about the end of the world
Is she mature?Moreso than a lot of people, but not really for her age.
How so?Peeenis
Is she immature?Yeah, sometimes
How so?Uh... She laughs at retarded things.
What�s her best friend�s name?Kasandra
Do you like her best friend?Yeah
Does she have any guy friends?Most of them are, yes
What do you think about them?The one's I've met are okay.
Have you ever introduced her to your friends?Yeah
What do they think of her?They seem to think she's okay. But, they know if they voiced any other opinions, they'd DIE.
What does she think of them?She seems to like them alright.
Have you named her breasts?What.. the... fuck? No?
If so, what are they?No?
Has she named your� ahem?No
If so, what is it?NO NO NO NO
Do you talk on the phone with her?Yes, sometimes
If so, how often?Maybe every other week ir so.
Do you talk on the Internet with her?Yes
Do you regret doing anything?A few things I'm sure, but not to the point of feeling horrible or anything.
If so, what?PIE
Last of All�
Are you happy with her?Yes
Is she happy with you?I think
Ain�t she swell?Uh, sure
Are you thinking about her right now?Well, yes, I'm kind of having to for the question-answering.
Do you miss her when she�s gone?Yeah
Are you seeing her soon?Not really. December
Is it not soon enough?Hello no it's not
Do you feel all warm and stuff when you think of her?Yeah
Would you be any different had you never dated her?Probably a bit

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink


(1 baby |kick the baby!)

22nd August 2005

5:55pm: Free Hat
The time of Sharon being in my presence has come and gone, and now the being-in-front-of-the-computer-all-day begins anew. Life carries on with its cycle, natural or otherwise, and pandas are still kind of confused about whether they are bears or raccoons. I eat macaroni and cheese with spam in it, and update my livejournal because there's nothing better to do, and I feel like writing, but can't think of anything to write except things that would take too much thought and effort. Like a story about a dollar bill (a twenty, maybe), or a couple more paragraphs of any one of a few potential future novels that have stopped being written after the first few hundred words, but still crawl around my head like little underdeveloped fetuses, begging to be made whole, by completion or combination.

I like to write run-on sentences, because periods are overrated little dots that think they are so much better then commas just because they don't have tails, the same way some people probably feel about monkeys. I am pro-tail. I want to hang upside-down and eat grapes.

I went to the zoo awhile back. Things happened there. I saw two monkeys fighting, and I saw a hippo excrete solid waste, swishing its tail back and forth to send the fibrous, straw-like substance flying. It smelled pretty bad, but it was funny too. I saw an okapi licking its own eyeball. I saw a bird pecking another bird that was laying on the ground, almost dead. Did the bird kill the other, or did it just figure that since it was about done living anyway, it might as well have a snack on whatever little parasites were crawling around? I don't know. If it's the first, would "murder" be the right word, or is that strictly a people-thing? Where does the line get drawn; can birds murder? Probably not. Dogs? Maybe. Chimps? I think so. Is that what makes people people? Probably part of it. Kind of funny how self-important we are as a species.

I like to ramble. I'm not really sure why, but it's fun. I like throwing certain select aspects of grammar to the wind, as well. Any rules of grammar that do not prevent ambiguity are optional, except if you're in school, and even then it depends on the class and the teacher. But using words correctly is more important than people give it credit for. I honestly believe that if people paid a little more attention to what words they use where, the world would be a better place. Mixing up "believing" and "thinking something to be likely", for instance, makes a lot of people do stupid things. Mixing up "Christians" and "People who use the Bible to justify their bullshit" does too, in a lot of ways. Same with Muslims, Jews, and just about everyone, except replace "Bible" with "Qu'ran", "Talmud/Torah/Etc." or "L. Ron Hubbard Book" or what have you. The Christians just seem to be getting churned around and confused/confusing others the most, these days.

Have you ever seen "Raising Arizona"? You should do that.

Edit: Here is your free hat:

You provide the paper.
Current Mood: Rambling

(3 babies |kick the baby!)

30th May 2005

11:37pm: I am appalled.
I found out today that sometimes men put their penises inside of women. They put them in the place where women pee from. This is disgusting! You pee from there!

And then I found out that this is actually LEGAL!!!!!

YES, it is actually LEGAL for you to do this. You can put your penis in a girl's pee hole, and it is legal! Unless the girl says no. WHY WOULD THEY SAY YES?

Clearly, our nation is on a slippery slope to depravity. We must outlaw this disgusting practice now. Next thing you know, girls will be putting men's penises in their mouths! And after that, I cannot even imagine what might be possible.

How can people do this? Why is this not outlawed by the supreme court? I am going to write another letter to the president now telling him this shocking news! He will certainly put a stop to it.
Current Mood: Shocked!

(5 babies |kick the baby!)

29th May 2005

5:20pm: English
Today Jamesteeth, the British person named James formerly known as doglike, made a post with a poll about which of three people is best in bed. Then someone called one of them a "ginger" in a comment. I, being a good freedom-loving American, did not know what this devilish British slang meant, and it made my freedom glands burn.

I am going to write a letter to President George Walker Bush, the best, freedomest president ever, (who protects us from homosexuals and people with towels on their heads by being tough and always knowing he is right) and ask him to send Tony Blair or Tony Baloney or King Charles or whoever is in charge of that silly non-American country a request that they start speaking our English language right. If they are going to use our language, they can't go messing it up and calling people "gingers" and calling cigarettes "fags". It is unamerican! I will also ask that if your government does not fix the way you talk and write, that we go in there to free you from the tyranny of extra U's and R's that come before E's instead of after like god intended. It is bad enough that you English people have taken our language, but you also named yourselves after it, which is just stupid since you don't use it right. Also, it was Jesus's language, so speaking it wrong is an abhorrence before god. I am doing this in the best interest of your souls!

So, please British people, start talking and spelling our words right! And get the last letter of the alphabet correct also! DOWN WITH TYRANNY!
Current Mood: Sad for the poor Brits

(3 babies |kick the baby!)

19th May 2005

7:19pm: Tom Tit Tot
If you read this entry and do not post a comment, I claim ownership of your first-born child. In the event that you do not produce any offspring, I claim ownership of your pinky-fingers. If you got mauled by a pinky-eating bear or something, and do not have pinky-fingers, I claim ownership of your testicles. If you do not have testicles due to being female or a eunuch, I claim ownership of your left nipple. If a beaver bit your nipple off, or it was lost in some other unfortunate accident, or due to a deformity, I claim ownership of all semen that you produce or cause someone else to produce in your lifetime. If you cut off your nipple on purpose, as a loophole to the above statement, I claim ownership to your soul. If you do not have a soul, I claim the right to stomp your genitalia repeatedly at least once a week. If you have no genitalia whatsoever, I will fuck you in the ass.

Also, pandas are exempt from sentences two and seven.

More specifically, only great pandas. Red pandas are silly.
Current Mood: Woogely Woogely WOO

(9 babies |kick the baby!)

8th May 2005

6:13pm: Rot Monger
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
Current Mood: calm

(20 babies |kick the baby!)

2nd May 2005

1:57am: Fuck your donkey HARDER.
Hey, bitches, I edited some more crap in.

What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to: lunargem
...who is wearing: lipstick and mascara
...and rolls over to you to say: Do you have any Gmail invites?
...and then: uses your PC to check LiveJournal
This cool quiz by joneccleston - Taken 181469 Times.
New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

Not incredibly amusing, but I kinda like it.

(Note to self: drink Old Rasputin as often as possible)

What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to: wigu
...who is wearing: nothing at all
...and rolls over to you to say: How the heck did you manage to sleep with those wrist cuffs on?
...and then: hugs you for ever and ever until you die
This Quiz by joneccleston - Taken 181577 Times.
New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

God's pee apparently has the magical power to let me sleep with Jeff Rowland... I need a glass of God's pee. If you are a urologist in heaven, hook me the fuck up.

What The Hell Happened Last Night?
LJ Username
What did you drink?
You wake up in the morning next to: shyguysamurai
...who is wearing: a large gold medallion
...and rolls over to you to say: Wanna do that thing with the broccolli again?
...and then: takes the day off work to stay in bed with you
This fun quiz by joneccleston - Taken 181582 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

That's fitting, sort of, since if not for him I would have no fucking clue what "moloko with knives in it" means... I don't think his wife would appreciate it, though.

Did you know that a barnacle's penis can be up to 20 times the size of the rest of its body? Well, it can. So next time you want to compliment a guy, call him "barnacle-dick".
Current Mood: About to devour your eyes

(kick the baby!)

6th April 2005

11:50pm: Drugs on Parade
So. For the past year at least, my computer has needed to be rebooted every two hours or so, varying over the course of the problem's existence. If I do not reboot it, it starts stuttering. If I am typing something when this happens, then whatever is typed during the brief freeze-up of the stutter does not make the way from the keyboard to the monitor. I have tried an assload of things to rectify this problem. I have run virus scans (I do this regularly now just as a precaution, even though it didn't fix the problem, and I rarely seem to have any viruses or other nasties that the scanner notices. Thank you, firefox.), I have reinstalled windows, I have reformated my harddrive. The problem has persisted.

But, today, after I'd left it sitting for 6 hours or more, it was not even the slightest bit stupid. I'd done a few things unusual to it, so it's not like it miraculously fixed itself, and I'll have to re-do those things to find out which one is the important one, and then make it permanent before the fix will be, uh, permanent. Point is, I could have fixed this problem very, very, very fucking simply long long ago if I had only known where to check. Windows seriously needs to be able to notice when it or the computer it is on is having problems, and diagnose the cause. But windows is kind of shitty, so whatever. I just use it because I'm not smart enough for Linux, and I'm not sure if (m)any games would run on that. And macs are just too goddamn weird.

In other news, I am thinking about finding out how I can ferment and distill my own alcohol. That would be pretty interesting, and even if I find out that it's way to goddamn hard, I'll at least learn something or other.

Thank you, Arab Muslims, for coming up with two of the greatest liquids ever known; coffee and hard liquor. I am sorry that your religion prevents you from drinking them.

Oh, hey, also, I thought this was pretty cool:

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:wrona
Your haiku:on my bed.also
if anyone thinks i am sort
of talking to them
Created by Grahame

It doesn't make much sense, really, but it can be interpreted in ways that sort of do. For instance, you could take it to mean that I am inviting anyone who is capable of thought to have sex with me on my bed (but only sort of). It just needs an extra comma and stuff, is all.

If you can come up with any other interpretations, post them as comments or I will fucking kill you while you're peeing. (Killing you while you sleep would be really unoriginal, and I'd never become a famous serial killer.)

(kick the baby!)

1st April 2005

wrona's LJ stalker is lunargem!
lunargem is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also slowly poisoning you!

LiveJournal Username:

LJ Stalker Finder

Pff... Why are you stalking me, silly wench? Get in my bed!
Current Mood: good

(kick the baby!)

31st March 2005

6:26pm: Mitch
Mitch Hedberg is dead.

This is sorrowful.
Current Mood: sad

(kick the baby!)

27th March 2005

1:54pm: I am good at making cat-noises.
I have a cat. My family has like eight cats, four indoors and four out. One of them in particular, however, is considered mine, mainly because I tend to be her favorite person.

Yesterday, I noticed that my cat, whose name is Kate, had not been whining at my door and generally stalking and annoying me lately. This disturbed me, so I set about to look for her, and found her nowhere in the house. Apparently, a few days before this, my mom had left the door to the back yard wide-the-fuck open for a long amount of time, and had thought nothing of the fact that my cat had been going in and out of it, assuming she wouldn't leave the viscinity of the house, or even stay outside for longer than a minute or so. She was wrong.

Last night, it was raining a lot. My brother saw her(the cat) in the back yard, and when he tried to go outside, she ran away. His very informative account of this provided the useful knowledge that she went "left". So now it was known that she was indeed outside, as opposed to a hidden corpse somewhere in the interior(if she'd just been trapped in an out of the way location, she would have probably been making noise).

After this discovery, I promptly put on my coat and got my umbrella, and wandered in the rain making cat-noises. This made me feel pretty stupid, but my cat does tend to respond to cat-noises pretty well. I walked around in the rain for at least fifteen minutes or so, and found nothing. I put food and water on the back porch, set up a place for her to sleep should she feel inclined to do so on the back porch, and also opened up the garage door a little, partly in case she ended up in that area, and partly for the cats that are supposed to stay outside.

For those who are unaware, it is probably necessary to mention that I live on 9 acres of land, which is divided by several fences, to keep our various animals separate. So, at the back of our rather large back yard is a fence and gate leading to an even-further-back yard, which has three goats and three sheep in it.

Today I decided to walk back there in search of my cat. Not long after going back there, I saw her across the fence between our property and the property of the people next to us. I made cat noises at her, but she just kind of stared at me, so I went inside to get a can of catfood to tempt her with. When I came back, she was nowhere to be seen. I decided, however, that she was probably close by, so I wandered along the fence making cat-noises. For awhile, there was no response, but then I heard a mew, and when I responded with more cat-noises, the mew responded back. Eventually, my cat crawled from under a curved piece of sheet metal that she'd apparently been hiding under on the other side of the fence. I crouched on my side of the fence, continued making cat noises, and opened the food. Eventually, she decided to come and eat the food, and at this point I grabbed her.

At first she didn't seem bothered by this, but after a little while she started meowing frantically and flailing about. Luckily, I was wearing a longe sleeve shirt, so I did not get clawed up. About halfway across the yard, Kate was flailing a lot, and getting difficult to hold, but my sister apparently noticed that I was walking across the yard with a flailing cat, and came out to help. She had a jacket with her, which she used to wrap Kate in, and in this manner we got her inside. In the process, she peed on my shirt, and on my sister's jacket, which kind of sucks, but my cat has been reacquired, and this is good. Now she's sitting on my bed.

Also, if anyone thinks I am gay, stupid, etc. for having a cat, they can go fuck themselves with a plunger-handle.
Current Mood: accomplished

(3 babies |kick the baby!)

25th March 2005

7:54pm: Are you disgustingly fat, over 30, and plagued with inch-tall illegal immigrants who take up residence in your butt?

If you answered "yes" to these questions, go take a look at yourself in the mirror. You've got unsightly tequila-induced vomit stains down the backs of your legs, right? You need the Ass-vac (tm).

The Ass-vac is our state-of-the-art vaccuum technology that inserts gently up your disgusting obese ass, and sucks out those unpleasant tiny Mexicans who make you feel bad because they aren't as lazy as you, even though they come from a country with an official nap hour.

When is an anal vaccuum cleaner worth five thousand dollars? When it WORKS. Really works. You're a fat slob with Mexicans up your butt. You need Ass-vac.
Current Mood: stupid

(1 baby |kick the baby!)

3:37pm: Survey of Surveyness.
Birthplace:San Francisco, CA
Current Location:Retardopolis, TX
Eye Color:hazel
Hair Color:brown
Right Handed or Left Handed:Right
Your Heritage:1/4 German, 1/4 Polish, European grab-bag
The Shoes You Wore Today:I have been inside all day.
Your Weakness:my testicles!
Your Fears:Dirty Jewish Nazis
Your Perfect Pizza:Various manners of pigflesh, black olives, mushroom, tomato, pesto instead of marinara, and probably lots of other magical things
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:Learn to drive or something
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:"yay!"
Thoughts First Waking Up:"Eengh... Fucking alarm..."
Your Best Physical Feature:800-mile long penis.
Your Bedtime:1:30 am, self imposed.
Your Most Missed Memory:That makes no sense whatsoever.
Pepsi or Coke:Ginger beer (not ale, beer)
MacDonalds or Burger King:Whataburger
Single or Group Dates:Hot hot sex. With a donkey.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:China Black will rape the fuck out of your stupid sissy teas.
Chocolate or Vanilla:Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:Cappuccino IS coffee.
Do you Smoke:No
Do you Swear:Fuck yes
Do you Sing:Quite
Do you Shower Daily:Every other day
Have you Been in Love:I am
Do you want to go to College:Sure
Do you want to get Married:Maybe
Do you belive in yourself:Do I quickly/forthwith/speedy in myself? That doesn't make a lot of sense.
Do you get Motion Sickness:Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:To some, I guess.
Are you a Health Freak:Hahahaha
Do you get along with your Parents:Eh. Decently I guess.
Do you like Thunderstorms:Sure
Do you play an Instrument:I sing, and can induce guitars into producing sonic vibrations. I cannot play, though.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yes
In the past month have you Smoked:No
In the past month have you been on Drugs:Alcohol is a drug
In the past month have you gone on a Date:No
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:oMG n03s ;_;
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:No
In the past month have you been on Stage:No
In the past month have you been Dumped:No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:No
Ever been Drunk:Yes
Ever been called a Tease:I don't think so.
Ever been Beaten up:Kinda
Ever Shoplifted:No
How do you want to Die:Magic!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Doctor Who
What country would you most like to Visit:Uh... India, maybe?
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:Not that creepy shade of blue.
Favourite Hair Color:Dark brown
Short or Long Hair:Medium
Height:Shorter than me. No midgets.
Weight:Not Callista Flockheart/Not Rosie O'Donnell
Best Clothing Style:pudding
Number of Drugs I have taken:Including perscriptions, no fucking clue.
Number of CDs I own:67?
Number of Piercings:2
Number of Tattoos:0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:Like I am going to count those.


(kick the baby!)

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